Oklahoma Rules

Rules of OKLAHOMA:

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle and oil wells. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have a $250,000 cotton stripper that we drive only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "opener" refers to the first day of the deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there is no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off all two pounds of ham and turkey.

11. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce! Oh, yeah....we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI! Chili was born and bred in Tulsa. By the way, real chili never met a bean!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and high school football is as important here as the Lakers and the Bears, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try O.U., O.S.U., or Oral Roberts University. The students graduate with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. Oklahoma is the home of the honored "45th Infantry Division". They have a beautiful museum in Oklahoma City. We also have a bunch of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard, like many other states, and we are proud of every one of them. If you don't honor the flag around here, you will get whupped by the best.

OKLAHOMA BECAME A STATE 100 YEARS AGO.