And One Year Later.....

I am a Cancer Patient

by Amy Breitmann, 1998

I am a cancer patient.

I am also a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend.

I have fears and uncertainty,

and days of boundless joy and deep emotion.

I am a cancer patient.

I have a career and goals and a past filled with memories.

I have days I wonder who will care for my children if I am gone-

and days I am certain I will live forever.

I am a cancer patient.

I am also a survivor, and inspiration, an advocate.

I have hope and courage

as well as nights of of restless sleep

and days of fierce doubt and deep rage.

I am a cancer patient.

I am experienced in enduring medical procedures and treatments

and feeling exposed to total strangers in whose hands I lay my future.

I have moments of complete confusion and some of total understanding.

I am a cancer patient.

I am skilled at disguising my physical signs of illness

with wigs and hats and makeup and smiles-

But do not be fooled...I am afraid.

I am a cancer patient

I enjoy peaceful moments amidst the uncertainty that is my life.

I am viewed with pity, with awe, and with a certain misunderstanding

by those who have not shared my journey.

I am a cancer patient.

and I am blessed because I live life larger than most

because I am acutely aware of life's preciousness.

I am a product of a tenuous and difficult challenge

and I am most thankful for the side effects that have helped me become

a better mother, a wife, a daughter, and a friend.

One of my "sisters in pink" from the National Breast Cancer website found this poem and posted it for us.  It sums up the emotions many of us experience.  I wanted to share it with those who have been my good friends and supporters here on Multiply.  

For the record, one year ago this time, I had completed all the surgeries and was waiting to start chemotherapy.  I was stunned and couldn't even say the words, "I have breast cancer."  The unknown loomed before me like a dark and fearsome beast.  

Today, the worst is behind me.  I have hair again!  I haven't yet been told I am cancer free, but I believe in my heart that I am.  My strength and stamina is slowly improving and the brain fog from the chemo is almost cleared.  There is still a daily anticancer pill that gives me some issues, but I can deal with that.  It is good to be alive!!